Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
