So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
