I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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