is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
