This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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