um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
