That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's shark week go big or go home
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
