It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize