Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
