3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize