just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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