Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
