office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize