I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
