a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
