I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
