this beer tastes like vomit already
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
