people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
