He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
