no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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