we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
