Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
that is very illegal...i love you.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
