I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
