we're blogging at a bar
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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