you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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