I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize