If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
