Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
