tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize