Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it's like heaven, but drunker
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
