Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
