you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
