Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
