oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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