You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
