theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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