normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
