you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize