i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
