Betty ford says i'm here all night
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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