You're so nebulous sometimes
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
