I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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