Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
