I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
