Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
