I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
