No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
