the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
