He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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