I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
