Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
