thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
