No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
