So drunk, too bad you don't want this
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
