Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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