if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
