I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
