i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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