Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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