I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
