i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
