would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
