Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
