So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i think i have herpe
just one?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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