Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
