Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Let's get the cat blown out
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
