Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
