Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
