The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
