at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
