I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
