our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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