I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize