She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
