You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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