I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize