so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
