If i come over, it means nothing
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
