why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
