You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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