4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
