She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
