that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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